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10 types of idiots you’ll find on the roads

10 types of idiots you'll find on the streets
Parichay Malvankar
Written by Parichay Malvankar

Streets are filled with idiots they say, true isn’t it? How many of you’ll would say that there has been no instance when you were completely surprised by someones antics on the road? Nobody I assume. The problem is, here in India, you can get away with doing nonsensical things on the roads either by paying a ridiculously cheap fine, or bribing your way out.

Here is a list of idiots you will find on the streets:

  1. The Blind: You might have seen horses wearing blinkers on their eyes very rarely, but you might have seen more number of people driving with their outside-rear-view-mirrors (ORVMs) closed. These type of people do not care about anybody else on the road, they are focused only on their destination, more like point & shoot. What’s happening to their left or right, or is someone approaching them; that’s not even their concern.
  2. The Random: These type of drivers are again not concerned about anybody else on the streets. They are not even bother about their own lives. This type is ever increasing and you will find more and more of them. What do they do? You’ll find them driving in the left-most lane at a steady speed then all of a sudden they realise that they need to make a U-turn, and without any turn indicators they will be jumping lanes as if their steering wheel just got jammed. Mostly they do not decide where or in which direction they have to go before leaving the house. These people mostly use the turn indicator stalks to hold their bags and other such oddities.
  3. The Honkers: These have got to be the funniest type. They will continuously use that horn-pad on the steering wheel and honk all the way till they finally reach their destination. Most of them would even honk when there is absolutely nobody in front of them. Some of them prefer to honk on signals, as if hoking makes the signal turn green. Some like to honk excessively in traffic, as if this clears the road ahead. But then, to each his own, and these kind of drivers just love their horn too much.
  4. The 1st lane, 20 kmph racer: These type of drivers take the saying ‘slow and steady wins the race’ very seriously. As soon as they hit the highway, they are the first ones to jump into the first (fast) lane, but then, they forget what to do next. They will very happily commute driving under 40 kmph, sometimes as low as 20 kmph on a highway without even noticing the number of cars they are holding up behind. If you ever happen to move ahead of them and request them to switch a lane, they’ll give you a look which suggests ‘Hey! I’m driving fast enough. What is your problem?’
  5. The Racing Champs: Better to stay away from this type. You wouldn’t know them, or have ever even seen them driving around anywhere if your wildest of dreams. But if you happen to overtake them, it is RACE DAY! They will drop a gear or two, zoom past, and then continue to look at your rate of progress. Some go a step beyond. They will zoom past you, then let you move ahead; and then again overtake you with a sense of winning the World Drivers Championship. Quite competitive genes these guys have.
  6. The Macho: The macho kind are always up for a brawl. Be it a minor driving incident like two cars brushing up and leading to a scratch. Instead of apologizing and handling things in a mature way, there comes a fist straight to punch you. It’s more about muscle than brains in this situation. And you’ll find plenty of these on the roads. Road rage is a common phenomenon in almost every part of the world, and some take immense pride in this.
  7. The Signal Chasers: Most of us on a daily basis observe this; when the signal turns yellow; cars move faster than they were when the signal was green. It is more about proving a point that ‘I can make it’. These type love to press the pedal to the metal when they see the signal just turned to yellow and race their way out before it turns red. Why don’t they realise it would be a lot more fun and a lot more safer to get a good start when the signal turns green?
  8. The Brake-Dancers: This type just loves their brake pedals. Irrespective of what’s happening in front of them, you will always notice their stop lamp turning red. They usually don’t need a reason to brake, it’s their way of enjoying the ride and getting less fatigued. We have noticed some of these who actually hit the brake when we gave them a ‘pass’ light from behind. What a joke!
  9. The Snake: PS for these guys does not stand for power steering, but it represents PlayStation maybe. You’ll find them move across the traffic left, right and centre. Yes, some of them might follow the rules and show turn indicators before turning the wheel, but one cannot keep track of where these drivers are on the road. Within minutes, they might have changed more than 10 lanes. Imagine riding a motorcycle when they are on the same road? SCARY!
  10. The High Beam Lovers: For them, it’s either all out, or black out. They probably cannot see the road with 100 street lights and their low beam, but things are just about perfect with the high beam on. Driving in front of such people is blinding. It is best to let these drivers overtake you and your eyes will thank you for life.

There are many more such type of drivers who make driving a death trap within the city as well as on the highway. But then, getting a driving license in India is very easy, isn’t it? And then, getting caught and getting away with it is even more easier…